


Struggling

by SherlockianWhovian



Series: Tumblr Works [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Post-Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 06:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13969467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockianWhovian/pseuds/SherlockianWhovian
Summary: Based on this Tumblr prompt: Can you write a CS one shot post season 6 where they’re both fighting their demons from all the recent events? Bonus points if they both think the other won’t notice they’re struggling.





	Struggling

Killian stood at the kitchen island, staring down at the empty glass and unopened bottle of rum in front of him. He had his happy ending, the weekly battles with villains were over, but he couldn’t seem to relax. He’d spent centuries on a quest of some kind, initially wanting revenge on a corrupt King for Liam’s death before his goal had become revenge on Rumplestiltskin for Milah’s murder. 

He didn’t know how to just live, to enjoy the moment, to move forward with his life. He thought he could do it, that he could move on from the past with Emma but each day seemed harder than the last. He was a villain and darkness called to him at every waking moment. He knew rum wasn’t the answer but painless oblivion seemed like a good option compared to the thoughts in his head that were tearing him apart and keeping him awake at night.

Emma had survived her brush with death, the Saviour had won the final battle, but Killian couldn’t help but feel that a battle was still going on - a battle for them both to start a life together. He wanted to be with her, she was his everything, his wife, his soulmate, his true love, but was he the next villain that she’d have to face? He’d worked so hard to improve himself, to turn his back on the darkness, but he could feel Hook in his mind.

Killian startled when the front door opened, he’d been stood staring at the glass and bottle for longer than he’d realised and Emma had returned home. He moved quickly, shoving the bottle of rum back into the cupboard and shutting the cupboard door with more force than he’d intended. After a moment to just breathe and gather himself, he left the glass behind on the work surface and moved to greet his wife.

“Good day?“ he asked, smiling brightly and pulling her into an embrace.

“Aye.“ Emma replied teasingly, “And your day?“

“Made much brighter by your return.“ Killian answered, kissing her lips lovingly. He couldn’t lie to her, she’d see through him immediately, but he hoped his truthful, if not entirely honest words, would suffice. She’d yet to see through his words thus far this week, or she hadn’t brought it up at least.

 

\---

 

Emma sighed in frustration as her hand shook once again while she tried to do her mascara. She’d won the final battle, she was no longer having the strange premonitions that had haunted her for months beforehand, but the shake in her hand remained. She knew that she should be relaxing into married life and her happily ever after but she just couldn’t.

Killian was her whole world and she’d almost lost him time and time again and moving forwards with their happy ending somehow felt that she was making his loss inevitable. It was too calm, too peaceful in Storybrooke and she hated thinking that it was the calm before the storm. Which villain would appear next to try to take her pirate from her? She’d fetched him from the Underworld once and she’d do it again, a thousand times over if she had to, but she couldn’t swallow down the crippling guilt that filled her. Him being anywhere near her was risking his life.

Emma jumped as Killian knocked on the bathroom door, dropping her mascara into the sink accidentally.

“Are you nearly done in there, love?“ he called, his voice muffled by the wood between them.

“Almost! Just a minute!“ Emma called back, frantically shoving the mascara back into her make-up bag and scrubbing the black smear from the sink. She took a moment to centre herself, looking at herself in the mirror as she took deep, even breaths. He was fine, he was safe, he was in their bedroom, he didn’t need to know about her anxiety.

“No kohl today, Swan?“ Killian asked as she swung open the bathroom door.

“It’s mascara.“ Emma replied with a smile, “And no, I thought I’d go without. What do you think?“

“You know what I think, Swan.“ Killian replied, gently stroking her face with his hand, “You’re beautiful. With or without the kohl.“

“Charmer.“ Emma laughed, stepping aside so he could use the bathroom. She internally complimented herself on hiding her emotional turmoil. He hadn’t noticed her crumbling and for another day, she was safe in the knowledge that she wouldn’t need to burden him with her fears.

 

\---

 

“Emma-” he began one evening.

“Killian-“ she began at the same moment.

Emma looked up and met his eyes, laughing slightly when they both ended up speaking at the same moment. She didn’t know what made her want to speak to Killian about his strange behaviour on this precise evening, but she couldn’t let it go on any longer. Was he having second thoughts about their future? Was it possible for someone to turn away from true love? A shiver ran through her at the thought of losing him. She wouldn’t survive it, of that she was sure.

Killian chuckled nervously, looking over his wife. The more he looked at her, the more he could see the cracks beneath her calm facade. He’d struggled to read her recently and she’d been much more distant, as though she was preoccupied. He didn’t want to think the worst of her, but he didn’t know how to move forward. Was she having second thoughts about being with him? He wouldn’t survive losing her, of that he was sure.

“You first, love.“ he suggested, clearing his throat a little.

“Are you alright?“ Emma asked gently, “It’s just that you’ve been looking at that bottle of rum for weeks without ever taking a sip. Is there something on your mind?“

Killian raised his eyebrows in surprise at her words, “I was going to ask you the same question, Swan.“ he admitted, “Is everything alright with you, love? Your hand has been shaking again and I know you’ve been trying to ignore it.“

Emma smiled at his words. She didn’t look forward to revealing her macabre and depressing thoughts to the strong man she was proud to call her husband, but all was right with the world. Killian Jones, her soulmate, her husband, her true love, had  _noticed_.

Killian reached out to take her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. He didn’t look forward to revealing the darkness in his thoughts to his wonderful wife, but he knew that they were on the same page. Emma Jones, his soulmate, his wife, his true love had seen through his carefully disguised truths, she’d seen  _him_.


End file.
